How many times have we heard that ludicrous and totally unhelpful statement? Clearly if we were able to not worry Matt Breida Jersey , then that's exactly what we'd be doing ? isn't it? After all, worry is no fun, no fun at all George Kittle Jersey , and we'd all much rather be having fun than worrying ? wouldn't we?
I would like to introduce to you something that psychologists call a schema. Another word for a schema is a strategy ? something that achieves something we want to achieve. Or more accurately something we believe achieves what we want to achieve and frequently mislead ourselves into continuing to believe despite evidence to the contrary ? like not achieving what the strategy is supposed to achieve.
Let's go way back to childhood, where the first schemas develop. Schemas develop by virtue of intelligence and noticing what works. Babies cry. How long does it take a baby to develop a crying schema. I'm hungry, I cry Jimmy Garoppolo Jersey , someone puts food in my mouth. Only at the developmental level of a baby it's more like uncomfortable feeling that isn't understood, cry when uncomfortable. And babies aren't aware of separate people being separate individuals. The whole world is just an extension of the baby. It's the parents that quickly train the child into those connections with the thing the parent does and that is to make the baby comfortable by noticing whether or not the problem is hunger, pain Jerry Rice Jersey , soiling, or just wanting to be held. And so the battle starts of the baby learning strategies to get what it wants when it wants and the parent who attempts to socialise the child into eating at regular times, going to the toilet at regular times Joe Montana Jersey , sleeping at regular times and getting cuddles at regular times. Sometimes the child wins, sometimes the parent.
So we learn very quickly the schema that crying makes us more comfortable. When was the last time you cried when you wanted something to eat? So it seems reasonable to assume that sometime between babyhood and now you either learned a new eating strategy or modified the old one. And you probably did this because Parent decided that it wasn't in your best interests to grow up believing that the world would satisfy every one of your needs instantly. And they did this in your best interests because to allow you to grow up with that belief would turn you into a spoiled, selfish San Francisco 49ers Jersey , self-centred child with no empathy for others.
We developed other strategies by watching what other people did and emulating it.
There's something else quite different about young children and adults. Young children are very healthily present-moment oriented ? this is why instant gratification makes sense to a child. They aren't unduly concerned about tomorrow or next week, because what's going on now is okay and the world is full of interesting things to explore and learn about and develop strategies to deal with. A child's mind has enough going on right now to keep it fully occupied and entertained.
Until we adults decide to screw that up for them.
Santa will bring you that for Christmas if you're good!
What a wonderful way to teach a child to worry.
In that simple sentence we teach the child that the future is important. We teach the child that they need to be concerned about whether or not some unknown, hairy old man (a bit like a God is to adults) will approve of them enough to bring them their heart's desire. We teach them that they have to please someone that they don't know and will never meet (except perhaps at a Grotto Leonard Williams Jersey , but then we introduce the confusion of different Santas at different grottos) and have no way of knowing what pleases this person and what doesn't except that displeasing Mum andor Dad usually brings the suggestion that Santa won't be pleased either.
Birthdays are another way we teach children to focus on the future rather than the present. When you go to school. When you go to big school. When you go to college. When you go to University. When you get a job. When you grow up. When you earn lots of money you'll be able to? When you have babies. When we go on holiday. And maybe even ? when you die?
We expose our youngsters to a barrage of future oriented thoughts and suggestions that slowly but surely switch the focus from Now to Then. But we never ever tell them that Now is the only time they will ever experience and that Then is always imagined.
And this is how we learn to worry. We become so focused on what might or might not happen; we become so focused on whether we please or displease others; we become so focused on outcomes? that we forget to experience who and what we are. We forget to experience and enjoy right now.
Now I have to admit that some people excel at worrying. And some people don't. But most of us seem to have the capacity to do it. It's just that we don't all worry about the same things. Some people worry about getting in an aeroplane and others worry about money and whether or not they can pay the bills. Some people worry about going to the dentist and others worry about whether or not to get new curtains.
What you worry about doesn't matter and while it seems that if you had to choose a worry then where to go on holiday probably would win hands down over waiting for a cancer diagnosis ? but if you are worried then you are worried and for you, in your world, with your life circumstances it's a serious problem because it's hanging around in your mind and stopping you from enjoying your life and being free and expressive in the way that young child was that we were thinking about earlier.
Multimedia und Daten Board
Thema drucken
16.01.2020 04:01
Antworten
